--by Mary Monroe
Move over Billy Blanks, Deepak and Radu, there's a new health and fitness guru on the scene. His name is Jasper and with a remarkably short nine months of healthy living under his belt--make that collar--he has managed to create a relaxing and rewarding lifestyle that most of us can only dream of. As my exclusive personal trainer, Jasper has some unusual tactics--sleeping on my bed, for example. (He may have stolen this strategy from Madonna's old trainer.) It's all part of his dogged determination to coach me day and night on how to lead a life worth living. Here are the wellness secrets he's shared with me so far:
1. Kiss First, As Questions Later. What's the point of being stand-offish when there's a world full of people just waiting to love you? Bound up to them in the park, make eyes at them through the car window, jump on their lap when they sit down on the couch. Sure, a few will disapprove of the in-your-face style, but how many people can resist such glorious and completely unfounded affection?
2. Live for Your Daily Walks. Daily activity is the most important thing, no matter what, and never let it be forgotten. Make it clear that you will not tolerate a day without exercise. Pout, if need be. Cast a rueful eye at your companions and skulk pathetically around the house. Hanging your head mournfully on the rug is also effective. When you do get to exercise, let everyone know how happy you are: jump and spin around and lick everybody in sight.
3. Practice Frolic-and-Rest Interval Training. Forget boring repetitive exercise. The only way to work out is by frolicking at top speed for as long as you can and when you're tired, stopping abruptly wherever you are. Repeat. Don't do it because experts say interval training is ideal for improving fitness and managing weight--do it because it feels good.
4. Sleep Whenever and Wherever You Can. As long as you've had your exercise, you can spend the rest of y our time concentrating on the next most important thing: sleeping. It's best to have numerous favorite resting spots wherever you go. Show off your sleeping talents whenever you can.
5. Eat Joyfully. Life is short. As long as it's not poisonous and you're hungry, chow down.
6. When You're Tired of Sleeping, Play. You will probably have to encourage the duds around you to play, too, or they'll just keep right on working and paying bills and other ridiculously dull activities. Use your imagination and you can create fun games with anything--even old socks (especially old socks.)
7. Stretch, Shake and Roll Over Frequently. This is self-explanatory. How else are you going to stay limber and sharp for all that playing and sleeping?
8. Take Time To Smell--Well, Everything. The world is a wonderful place, if you take the time to pay attention. Every tree, every leaf, every breeze--even old laundry and garbage--has a story to tell. Sniff it out, and savor it.
9. Forgive Everything. Even if the people you love most in the world take you to get shots (or worse), forget to feed you or have a tendency to step on you. Assume the best: they probably don't mean it.
10. Never Miss A Massage. This may be the most important of all. Place yourself in rubbing distance of everyone you see, and practice doing cute and cuddly things. If you're playing it right, you can pretty much turn your whole life into one long massage. What could be healthier?
Author's note: if you can't find a dog who will act as your personal trainer, you can enlist the help of a cat. Cats, on the whole, offer a less predictable and more mentally challenging regimen. However, they charge more and are less likely to care about your progress.
